His Unchanging Desire

I sat there and watched Him playing with the others. They giggled as He tickled them and laughed as He threw them up in the air and caught them with His strong arms. He sat them down in a circle and they listened with undivided attention as He told them a story. I stood at the doorway watching them. I didn't want to disturb them or take away from their excitement. I was mesmerized at what I saw. My hands were clinging to the door post as I felt my heart jump within me. How I longed to be like them and be with them. Then I felt my arms shake and tremor. I quickly tightened them around my body so no one would notice. Then I looked back at Him. My thoughts had been focused on what the other children were doing that I didn’t notice that He was staring at me. I turned and ran down the hallway.

Collapsing on the floor, I leaned my back up against the wall. My arms were still shaking, so I tucked my legs to my chest and held them tight hoping that the tremours would stop. I wanted to cry but no tears would come. The other children knew how to cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything that would show Him how I felt. Crying, playing, laughing... these were all strange to me now. I couldn’t even sit and listen to his stories. Nothing was right anymore.

I am sick. Some say it will pass, but I know it won’t.

I am different now, different than the others. It hasn’t always been like this. I was one of them. I played, I laughed, I even danced with Him. I could sit and listen to His stories for hours on end. Now that has all changed.

I sat and wondered if I had disappointed him. Then I felt a hand brush against my cheek. I looked up and there He was.

“Come.”

He reached out his hand and took mine. Hand in hand we walked down the hall and back to the room. We reached the door to the room and I saw the others. They were still playing and laughing. My head bowed and I felt my muscles tense up; the tremors in my hands were getting worse. I couldn’t control it.

“Ruby.”

He took two of His fingers, placed them under my chin and lifted my head. His eyes had tears in them. He was crying. I had never seen Him cry before but then again, I never looked close enough to notice.

We walked into the room and He found a place just inside the door. On the floor were strewn pillows of all colours. He motioned me to sit down. Then instead of rejoining the rest of the children, he sat down beside me. Together we watched the others play and laugh. I felt warm inside just sitting there with Him.

I was enjoying myself so much, I almost forgot the tremors. I quickly pulled my arms into my chest and held them tight. He hadn’t taken his attention from me. Even with all the excitement He knew what was happening to me. He stretched His arm around me and pulled me in closer. I leaned my head up against His chest and snuggled in. His arm was draped over mine, His strong hand embraced mine and even though the tremors continued, He held me close.

“It’s okay, Ruby. I have you.”

My arms still shaking, my muscles still aching, my eyes crying no tears... but it didn’t seem to matter to Him.

You see, though everything had changed around me, to me and within me, He never did. His desires for me never changed